Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Cultivating Your Marriage

My husband and I went out last week on a date. It was so nice leaving the house without having to sneak out or make sure the baby is napping before we had to go out. Our babies are growing up and it's bittersweet. We're able to do more things with less hassle. That's the sweet part. The bitter part is my babies are getting big.

How many of you know that's it is hard to balance children,life,and marriage? *raises hand* I do! I dated my husband for a year and two months before we got married. Seven of those months he was in patrol school for the Alabama Highway Patrol (State Troopers). It was sort of a long distance relationship,though we had been friends for almost 5 years. Four months after we got married we found out we were expecting our first child. We had no clue what the future held. We were just love birds. We had no idea that our relationship would become something to fight for and I don't mean that in a bad way. So fast forward 5 1/2 years and we have fought hard. Not so much because of issues we had,but Satan hates anything God honoring. We have become a family of five since 2006 on the day we married in December.

We learned we had to be intentional about our time together as a couple. For awhile we were just trying to survive a needy infant (our first son) who wanted our attention constantly. We lived away from family and that can make it even harder. We are picky about who we leave our children with and that has made it not so easy either. We had to be creative about spending time at home when you are a one income family too. The enemy wants nothing more than for us to drift apart from one another. He loves destroying marriages and families. I've seen it in the lives of friends and family, sadly. So fighting for our marriage is something we believe in and something we put on the top of our list. We realized and were give some good advice: The kids will leave one day,but the spouse will always be there. With that, we knew we could not get so consumed with our kids or work that we did not continue to romance and communicate. We are very connected with our boys,more so than most families I know,but we know that one day it will just be the two of us. We have to make time for one another now,so we don't become disconnected. If we never spend time with our husband our love may seem like it's faded. We have to cultivate the relationship just like we do with the Lord. We have to work at it and grow in it.

Here are a few things we do to stay connected:

  • Pray- We pray together and for each other. That is so important. When a husband and wife become closer to God,then they will become closer to each other.
  • Talk- We talk each night when the kids are in bed. We talk throughout the day,but we like to talk without interruptions. 
  • Intimacy- This is something that is important. It's more than just sex,it's love. Holding hands,hugs,sweet kisses,and ect. 
  • Home dates- We try every Friday night (when we aren't gone,which isn't much) to watch a movie. Even on nights that he works we watch a movie. He gets off at 9 p.m. The boys are in bed and we curl up on the couch,pick out a movie,and enjoy. That to me is so important,making time at home.
  • Going out- We try to at least once a month to go out of the house alone. My Mother graciously comes to watch the boys. It's nice to get all dolled up and go out like we used too when we dated.
  • Cards- I love giving my husband cards randomly or write him notes. He's not big on doing the same,but he does remember occasions. Instead he gives me flowers randomly,which I love!
  • Friends- We have at least 2 other couples from church that we stay connected with outside of church. It helps to see other couples interacting and just being around them. 

We aren't a perfect couple,but we are a praying couple. I love my husband more than I did the first time I told him so. Watching him work hard everyday,play with our boys,discipline our boys,guide our family,and interact with other people just deepens that love. He is a wonderful man,just right for me. We know God has great plans for our family and marriage. We just want to glorify Him through it all.

I encourage you ladies to pray for your husband. That is the most important thing we can do. Tell him how much you appreciate him and adore him. Let him know he is respected and loved. Our children have to see us loving each other as God intended. They are depending on us to show them a God centered marriage,so let's not fall short.


  1. This is SO important, Heather! It's easy to lose sight of cultivating that relationship in the midst of our mothering, I know. Believe me, I know. It hit us in the face a year or so before our last one left for college. That's when we dug in and the future is bright!

    1. Good for you guys! We had a time where we had to dig in and go. It's sure not easy raising children and trying to keep the fire in marriage burning.


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