Some of my heart
- I realized that I am asking for what I already have. We have a home. When I say home I mean apartment/trailer/house. I believe any of these can be a home,it's not so much the structure that makes the home. It's where you feel comfortable,loved,and cared for. We have all that in our 840 square foot apartment in the city. We never go cold or hot for long ( we have had quiet the problems with our a.c unit and did go almost a week with no air at all). We always have a soft place to sleep. We have shelter from storms. We have a home. It's not as big as we want obviously. It's getting pretty cramped in here, as far as storage. It's not where we want it to be located either. We are country folks who want to live in the country. I'll get to that one later on.
- I realized that this home is not my true home. It's only borrowed from my Father. He owns everything,that includes every home on the face of this planet. So why should I get bent out of shape if He doesn't loan me another one? I kept saying I can't wait to get our home,our washer and dryer (we don't have one in our apartment,we do have a laundry room on site we use), our this,and our that. It's not mine,none of it is, whether I have paid it off or not.
- I realized that we have a yard. It's not as easy to access as I like. I want one I can just walk right out into or watch my boys while inside doing dishes or sitting on the porch. I can't do that here,but it is a nice side yard that they enjoy playing on. It's a beautiful view of greenery and has a huge Oak tree to play under. It has some dirt for them to dig in and plenty of grass to run in.
- I realized that God may not want us in the middle of nowhere. He has used it here to minister to others and be ministered too by others. Our landlord has been such a blessing to us. Somethings that she has done for us, I am still grateful for. Our first maintenance man was someone we were able to minister too, along with our landlord. My husband wants to be in the middle of nowhere. I just want to have very few neighbors with less likely hood of any moving in. Ha! The more I have lived here the less I like people, really. People can be rude, annoying,and mean. Well, may be God wants us to have neighbors that need Him or that would bless us. It's not something I like,probably the lest of them all. I think of all the horrible things that could happen to us with neighbors,especially close ones. So this country family may have to stay in the "city".
These have not been easy to realize at all and some I still don't want to believe them all. I want to believe God will give us just what we want. He will,once we surrender to Him and delight in Him, He will change our hearts desires to His heart desires. He has been doing that.,even with my husband. We actually thought on the same about how God may want us to have neighbors and when I brought it up. He said jokingly don't even go there,God has already dealt with me on it and I'm not really happy about it. I am glad we can be honest and open with one another. My husband is not a people person,but God has been transforming him to be His spokesperson.
So that is just somethings that are going on in my mind and heart right now.