Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Refining Me, One Boy At a Time

Daniel,Aaron,Johnathan posing for Mama.

I'm Mother to 3 small  growing boys. Daniel is 5,Aaron is 4 1/2,and Johnathan is 1 1/2. It can be so hard some days. I am constantly redirecting, correcting,and guiding them. I'm training them how to live civilized. That my friends, is not an easy task,especially when they have the same sin nature as I do. I'm just as selfish as they are day in and day out. I wonder what in the world God thinks of me. Does He every tire of having to redirect me? I know I have been a stubborn child to my parents (when I was living with them) and to God. It's one of my traits I am not proud of most days. This is proving to be one of the hardest things I have done in my life.

I'm not a natural child lover. Growing up I was around younger ones due to our big family of cousins,but as I got to high school age I learned quick that kids were not my thing. I never wanted any children,only to be married and go off to the mission field. Kids were so rude and disobedient. I always thought I never want children if they act that way. Little did I know I wasn't so pleasant at times when I was a child. When God gave me my first son I was scared too death and asked what in the world are you doing? Refining you is the answer I got. Okay, I need refining? I thought you did that in college with the situations I went through. No, He said, I was growing you then. Okay, thanks for letting me know. That's how the convo went with God. I finally gave in to the idea that the first born wasn't going anywhere anytime soon and decided to just surrender to God. I wasn't sure what I was in for,but I knew it was better than trying to do my own thing for the next 18 years.

God has really changed me in a lot of ways. 2 sons later and I look at things differently now. I do believe God is using my children to transform me to more of His image. It's not easy and it's not always fun. It is necessary though. They have taught me so much about myself,God,and life. I also realized that I would have never made it in a foreign land. I visited Honduras for 2 weeks in 2003,right before I started college. My heart longed for that country,for people who desired and wanted something. It was a life changing experience. After being a parent for 5 1/2 years, I have learned if I cannot minister and care for my own children, I sure won't do it for those I don't even know. At least that is how I feel about it. We have to reach and minister to our families before we can do the same to others around us. God knew what He was doing all along,even though I questioned His ways. I still have a looong ways to go,but I can see a little teeny bit of progress in this process.

Those are my 3 darling,rambunctious,and energetic boys up there. They are a mess and I love them with everything in me.

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