Today is the start of our weekly study God Who Are You? At the Well. Go check it out,if you haven't! It's really wonderful and I am learning more about the God I serve.
Today's Discussion Question: Who is the master of your life? Who are you allowing to rule over you? Your job? Baggage from the past? Unforgiveness? Hatred? Anger? Unhappiness? Your children?
What a question! I realized over the past week that I am allowing fear to rule my life. I used to be bound by the horror type fear from movies I was exposed too by family and movies I watched myself. It was horrible! It got to the point of me laying in bed at night (when I lived with my parents) and praying myself to sleep I was so terrified! My Daddy loves the sci-fi channel and that fear spirit was in our home so strong or to me it was (Praise the Lord, he accepted Christ 2 years ago and realized that sort of stuff isn't healthy for anyone). In 2006 I was set free from that fear. It feels amazing to not be scared to walk through a house in the dark at night or to stay at home all night without my husband when he has to work nights. I am no longer scared of the dark. Those things can bring such a fear upon someone, so I believe it's imperative we are careful what we lay our eyes upon,even as David speaks about in the Psalm 101:3, I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.
But as I said above, I realized another fear has taken hold of me. It was so subtle I didn't recognize it. The fear of failing has been binding me. Most days I don't feel I'm cut out to be a Mother. Wow, it is so overwhelming. I feel so small and so no equipped. After a failed VBAC, my confidence was really hit hard. I tried so hard to have a VBAC and if that wasn't enough, I couldn't breastfeed as long as I desired either. That was the kicker. You ladies know how those hormones are after having a baby,WACK! I slowly let those things make me feel like I could do nothing. I was afraid to take the boys out by myself because I thought I just can't do this,it's too hard. I was afraid to travel to see family without my husband because I thought there is no way I can handle them both. It just took over my daily life. I realized that yesterday on my way to visit the in-laws. God showed me I can do those things and more! If I will lean on Him and not myself! I truly desire to be the Mother God wants me to be everyday. Is it hard? YES! If someone tells you it's not,they have no clue. I know that with the Holy Spirit working through me I can do the things I see as hard and do it with confidence. Beth Moore has been doing a study on our confidence in Christ and I have gained so much from it! I am a daughter of the King of Kings!! I have the right to have confidence in myself through Christ! I don't have to let the devil beat me down,I can,but I choose not too! So I have decided to not let the fear bind me any longer. I will never grow if I let the fear of failure hold me back! I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me!
Have a blessed day! What is holding you back?