joy comes with the morning- writing from my heart

I wrote a post a couple of months ago on my other blog about feeling down,discouraged,and joyless. Since then God has been working in me and showing me somethings. I started doing the online Bible study that At the Well is doing each week. I've always wanted to study more on the names of God and this happen to be doing that very thing. I had been trying to set aside some time daily to read the Word,but it was so hard with 2 little ones. My oldest does not take naps and even when my youngest is asleep I still have Daniel to take care of. I just started doing the study when Aaron went to sleep and made my mind up I was going to do it every day. I had to do it. I needed to realize somethings about myself and my life.

God showed me that I complain WAY too much about the blessings He had given me. I saw my blessings as cursings. Not that I called them that,but the way I complained you would think I thought they were. I also was not seeing the struggles as a way God wanted to perfect me and also for me to call upon Him for help and strength. Instead I thought I must be doing something wrong. That was the wrong mindset and assumption. Through this study I am doing God has been showing me that He is my help and He wants me to call on Him more daily with the tasks that I think are too hard for me to handle. I knew this,I knew I knew! I had just forgotten I guess. Every done that? He has been showing me that the struggles I have are not too hurt me or discourage me,but for me to see I cannot do it alone and that through these I can either grow stronger or get weaker. It was just up to me to choose which I would do. Amazing, isn't it? Amazing what God will tell you when you take the time to stop and listen to Him.

I was so accustomed to having all the time I wanted to pray and read the Word without interruption. I did not move out of my parents house until I was 23. I was the last child to leave the nest and most days (except Monday and Tuesdays when I was in college for 3 years) I had the house to myself. I could pray as long as I wanted and as loud as I wanted. I could read the Bible as long as I wanted,when I wanted. Well,things change when you get married and have children. Is that bad? Nope,but it is different. You have a husband to take care of and a house to tend too. After my 2 boys came (we were only married 4 months before I got pregnant with the first baby) I thought,wow, when can I read or pray? I like to do mine in silence or with some music. Well, that pretty much does not happen too often. I then started thinking I was failing God because I did not do it a certain way,religious? Yes,very. I was trying to put this new skin in the old skin and well that just was not working. I realized through the passage about the old and new wine skins that I was a different person than I was before my boys arrived. I really was. I had grew a lot in God through lots of struggles. No insurance,finances,major surgery,and many other things. So I had to do things different. Read when I can read,pray when I can pray. Pray throughout the day. Most importantly incorporate that time in with my boys,especially my oldest son. They were my ministry,along with my husband now. Not people in churches when I was on a drama team,not young ladies in the dorm when I was at college. But my children and my husband were my #1 ministry and concern.

After realizing these things, I begin to look at my daily life different. I had never lost my joy,but I was allowing the circumstances to determine my joy. I was happy,not joyful. Happiness is determined by the circumstances around you,joy is not, joy is in all things. Once I realized this, I started feeling alive again. I really started to see things the way God wanted me too. The Word was alive again to me. God was not far off. It was as if the time of silence was over. It was and still is an awesome feeling! Sometimes God is silent through our trials. It is't that He is not near us though. He is always near us. I can't quiet describe the feeling I have. It's almost the feeling I had years ago,when you are smitten with your love. I never lost that love for God,but I allowed all the struggles to cloud it and the devil was trying to make me think I had lost it,along with the joy. It was all still there, I just had to dig and stop seeing things through my eyes and see them through His eyes.

We have started daily Bible readings with Daniel and prayer. We have a children's Bible we read a story out of and pray with him. He loves it! We also started the Love Dare devotional together as a couple and I am doing the online study. It feels great to be in the Word and learning again! It really does something to get in the Word. It will change your whole day! I have been writing on this a little each day,since my time is limited. I love to write and share from my heart. So be encouraged,joy comes with the morning!