Friday, April 16, 2010

What does God mean to you?

Jenifer asked us this question at the beginning of our study At the Well. God worked through this study to revive me and to show me who He wants to be to me. So here who God is to me today.

I wrote this email to Jenifer several weeks back and it covers it all.

I know I have told you how much I appreciate your willingness to obey God and lead us in this study,but I wanted to go in depth about how it is touched me. 

After I had Aaron (the youngest) in October it was a very emotional and touchy time for me. I had a failed VBAC and could not breastfeed as long as I desired. That along with adjusting to a newborn all over really had me on the verge of depression. I cried a lot and just wanted some sort of sanity. It was so hard to press through and pray most days. I felt dazed and confused. For me,this was a first, in my short 26 years. My life just felt as if it was spinning out of control and I could do nothing about it. I felt like God was nowhere near me or my family,though He was in our hearts. I tried to devote some time each day to Bible readings,but it was so hard. There was no real structure and structure, such as a study really ministers to me. Of course I had no way to get out on my own and get a study and really didn't have the extra cash to get a study and video. When I saw this study At the Well, I had just come back to the blogging world,just in time too. 

When I started the study I was still feeling dazed and alone,but through these 6 weeks God has been working in my heart and spirit. I am joyous about being a Mother,though it is the hardest thing I've done in my life yet. I was not dreading the next day each night as I lay in bed,I begin seeing that God was there and He wanted me to reach back out to Him. I stopped seeing my child as being defiant and saw him as a little boy who needed some order and some stability from his Mother. I saw my calling clear again and embraced it instead of cursing it. That was the closest I've been to depression and feeling lost in it all since before I got saved. I received Christ when I was 10 and rededicated my life at 21. But I've never had anything shake me as what I just wrote above. My confidence was also restored in myself through Christ. I have been doing this study and listening toBeth Moore on Life Today,she's one of my favorite women of God. 

I can say tonight that I can't wait to wake up in the mornings and get in the Word again,I don't feel hopeless,but I feel hopeful! I can't wait to wake up to my 2 precious boys,though I know that day may not go perfect,it's an opportunity for God to work through me and them. It's still hard and I'm still learning a lot. I'm a young woman,wife,and Mother,but I am very willing to be molded to what God wants me to be. I know the hard will only make me stronger or weaker. My husband says it's the hard that is good for you in life. So thank you,Jenifer. You can share this with anyone you would like. I'm not ashamed that I was at my witts end and really felt so out of control. I know that God is in control always.

This is something else I wrote today: I have been learning that God allows hard and tough situations to happen ,so I will ask for His help and He can be my help. He doesn't delight in my sufferings, He wants to help me through them. He is my Fortress and Strong Tower! All things that happen,good or bad, God wants His glory to shine through!

Share your story of how God has been touching you! When we share our troubles and sorrows, we can really reach others,especially those who are not believers. For them to know we struggle too,but we have someone to carry us through them can make a huge difference!


1 comment:

  1. The wisest thing that you did feeling your life spinning out of control and on the verge of depression is to turn to the Word.

    I am so proud of you!! This study would have taken commitment and made you focus your thoughts on the Truth.

    I wish I had been wise enough to do this before I fell into depression for a few dark years. Praise God that I am on the otherside now - free at last. But how much better to prevent going there at all, like you did. (((((HUGS)))) xo


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