A Love Going Strong

Today marks eight years that I said 'I Do' to my awesome husband. Eight years ago on a cold December morning in our first home (apartment) we vowed to love one another no matter what.

No matter how we felt

No matter how we looked

No matter how things were going

No matter what came our way

I can say that we have done that. We're still together. We're still loving one another, forgiving one another, laughing with one another, getting frustrated with one another, and praying for one another. We're definitely not perfect. We sin. We aren't always nice or happy, but we're growing. We're learning, living, and loving. I love this man more now than I ever knew I could. A man I never saw as a romantic interest. A man who I grew to love and who grew to love me.

We've had some hard things happen to us in these eight years. Many schools and trainings for him and pregnancies for me can wear on a couple. Missed holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries due to work can put distance between a husband and wife. We're not a couple untouched by tragedy, disappointment, or struggles.

Our foundation is what keeps us together. 

Our choice to keep open communication with the Lord and each other keeps us together. Choosing every day to forgive the wrongs and embrace the rights. It's not easy. It's messy, but it's beautiful. Two lives being merged together with failure and success. Two becoming one in more than a physical way. Marriage is a sacred thing. It's so precious. I love the man God has given me. I love how we compliment each other, how we push each other, and how we love each other. I so don't deserve this man in my life, he's way too good to me, yet God saw fit to write our love story. It's not finished yet, it's only really beginning. Finding your soul mate is only the beginning of the story. I pray we let Him finish our story well.

I encourage you ladies (and men) to love your spouse well. See them as God sees them. Pray for them. Kiss them long and passionately. Hug and snuggle together. Laugh together and grow together. Don't let the struggles hinder you, just push through and press on.

Here's to a lifetime of growing old with my man.

Our Prayers Matter

 

Sometimes it's easy for me to forget that my husband has bad days like I do. He works in Law Enforcement and is around a lot negative. I stay home all day teaching, rearing, and home-making. I can have days where I am so tired and grumpy. When my husband sees that happening, he tries to give me a break. I never doubt that he prays for me too. I can feel his prayers and know He intercedes on my behalf. I have been trying to be more intentional about recognizing when he has had a bad day. Respecting him in that regard is very important in our marriage. I have started praying for his day with more compassion.

I'm writing over at The Imperfect Wives today. Won't you join me?

Doing the Unlikely For Our Husbands

Have you ever done something for your husband that wasn't quiet your cup of tea per say? Maybe riding motorcycles, hunting, golfing,or going to an art museum. Last summer I did something I have never done... I went on a canoeing trip. It was all in the name of love. For my husband of course. Our Pastor's wife set up a canoe trip for the younger couples in our church. My husband had off and mentioned he would like us to go. I sort of panicked inwardly. I kept seeing myself flipping out of the canoe and a huge alligator coming after me or hitting my head on the rocks. When it came down to the wire I decided I should do it.

                                                           Okatoma Creek Farm

I think it is important to do things with our husbands that they like to do, whether we like them or not. I like to be outdoors,but not floating down a river for 7 miles. I knew it was something my husband would really enjoy because he has a kayak and does that a good bit. I knew it was something he wanted me to do with him also. It knew it would show him that I love being with him no matter what we do. I decided not to let my fears or dislikes ruin an opportunity to show love to my husband. He has done many things with me that he may not like to do,but he has done them because he loves me. He enjoyed the time we were spending together and did not complain about what I chose to do.

Our marriages are not all about us. We are to serve one another and love one another. Isn't that what Jesus did? He did something He did not want to do. He went to Calvary and died a horrific death for us. He served His disciples while here on earth. He did things that were not the most comfortable things to do. It is about loving like Jesus. It is about showing our children how to love their spouse. They will watch us and our marriage,then pattern (more than likely) their own marriage after what they have seen. So it is very important to model a Christ like marriage.

Did canoeing necessarily enhance our marriage? No,the actual canoeing may not have,BUT it did show a selfless act. It did speak to my husband that I am willing to do and go where I may not like for him,my beloved. It encouraged him though that may sound odd. I would have done it when we were dating because we had fresh,new,young long. So why not do it now after 7 years of marriage? Our men need to know we just like to be with them. It helps them be a better Father when they feel loved,when they know we enjoy being with them. If we love them, we will respect them and they need that. A man that does not feel respected, will not be the man God wants Him to be,or Father,or husband. Love is not only a word,it is an action.

We had to communicate well so that we did not flip over and we had to communicate to steer properly by paddling. It felt good when we went over a rapid and worked together not to flip out. It felt good to know my husband was doing something he enjoyed. We had a good time and did not flip at all. We worked together as a team and he kept telling me how good I was doing. Communication is a huge key to a successful,Godly marriage. We have to communicate to our men how important they are to us and our children.

What says I love you to your husband? What is something you can do that you may not enjoy,but your husband has been asking you to do? I encourage you to take the opportunity next time it presents itself to do the unlikely for or with your husband. How can you encourage him this month as we celebrate Father's Day?

Cultivating Your Marriage

My husband and I went out last week on a date. It was so nice leaving the house without having to sneak out or make sure the baby is napping before we had to go out. Our babies are growing up and it's bittersweet. We're able to do more things with less hassle. That's the sweet part. The bitter part is my babies are getting big.

How many of you know that's it is hard to balance children,life,and marriage? *raises hand* I do! I dated my husband for a year and two months before we got married. Seven of those months he was in patrol school for the Alabama Highway Patrol (State Troopers). It was sort of a long distance relationship,though we had been friends for almost 5 years. Four months after we got married we found out we were expecting our first child. We had no clue what the future held. We were just love birds. We had no idea that our relationship would become something to fight for and I don't mean that in a bad way. So fast forward 5 1/2 years and we have fought hard. Not so much because of issues we had,but Satan hates anything God honoring. We have become a family of five since 2006 on the day we married in December.

We learned we had to be intentional about our time together as a couple. For awhile we were just trying to survive a needy infant (our first son) who wanted our attention constantly. We lived away from family and that can make it even harder. We are picky about who we leave our children with and that has made it not so easy either. We had to be creative about spending time at home when you are a one income family too. The enemy wants nothing more than for us to drift apart from one another. He loves destroying marriages and families. I've seen it in the lives of friends and family, sadly. So fighting for our marriage is something we believe in and something we put on the top of our list. We realized and were give some good advice: The kids will leave one day,but the spouse will always be there. With that, we knew we could not get so consumed with our kids or work that we did not continue to romance and communicate. We are very connected with our boys,more so than most families I know,but we know that one day it will just be the two of us. We have to make time for one another now,so we don't become disconnected. If we never spend time with our husband our love may seem like it's faded. We have to cultivate the relationship just like we do with the Lord. We have to work at it and grow in it.


Here are a few things we do to stay connected:

• Pray- We pray together and for each other. That is so important. When a husband and wife become closer to God,then they will become closer to each other.
• Talk- We talk each night when the kids are in bed. We talk throughout the day,but we like to talk without interruptions. 
• Intimacy- This is something that is important. It's more than just sex,it's love. Holding hands,hugs,sweet kisses,and ect. 
• Home dates- We try every Friday night (when we aren't gone,which isn't much) to watch a movie. Even on nights that he works we watch a movie. He gets off at 9 p.m. The boys are in bed and we curl up on the couch,pick out a movie,and enjoy. That to me is so important,making time at home.
• Going out- We try to at least once a month to go out of the house alone. My Mother graciously comes to watch the boys. It's nice to get all dolled up and go out like we used too when we dated.
• Cards- I love giving my husband cards randomly or write him notes. He's not big on doing the same,but he does remember occasions. Instead he gives me flowers randomly,which I love!
• Friends- We have at least 2 other couples from church that we stay connected with outside of church. It helps to see other couples interacting and just being around them. 

We aren't a perfect couple,but we are a praying couple. I love my husband more than I did the first time I told him so. Watching him work hard everyday,play with our boys,discipline our boys,guide our family,and interact with other people just deepens that love. He is a wonderful man,just right for me. We know God has great plans for our family and marriage. We just want to glorify Him through it all.

I encourage you ladies to pray for your husband. That is the most important thing we can do. Tell him how much you appreciate him and adore him. Let him know he is respected and loved. Our children have to see us loving each other as God intended. They are depending on us to show them a God centered marriage,so let's not fall short.

Loving Our Husbands- Guest Blogger

 Today I am having my first guest blogger. I'm so excited! Hollie is a dear friend of mine that I have asked to guest post today. Here is what Hollie has to say to us today:

Most conservative, Christian women are very familiar with the Ephesians 5 command to submit to your husband ("Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." -Ephesians 5:22). There's a lot that goes into submitting to one's husband, and to be sure much has already been said on this subject. In recent weeks the Lord has brought a specific aspect of this command to my attention. Personal study, my pastor's sermons, and a study I am doing with a friend all converged toward one main point: love.

I believe many women just assume they love their husband. When asked, of course, they would affirm they do love their men! But are they really loving them ... in a Biblical way? The Scriptures give a very specific definition of love:

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

If you look closely at this list, it is very detailed and exact. Are you long-suffering and patient with your spouse? Or do you nag, complain, and expect him to be on the same page with you instantly in all situations? Do you ever behave rudely or sarcastically toward your spouse? Do you seek your own way over and above what is best for him? Do you guard your mind and put to death evil or mean-spirited thoughts about him? Do you trust him, or accuse him? Do you encourage him?

If you're anything like me and you're being honest, you will have to answer "no" to quite a few of those. Of course, we can never love our husbands perfectly. We can't even get close to this list without the Holy Spirit's help. But we need to try! As Christians, we ought to love Christ's law as much as He does. Loving our husbands is a choice we need to be proactive about making. It does not "just happen." Look at that list of qualities in the verse above. All of those qualities are actions, they are not warm, fuzzy, romantic feelings. (There's nothing wrong with romance, but it shouldn't be confused with the Biblical definition of love). I love this example from the book The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace that demonstrates how love is truly a choice:

Just how much of a choice agapao love can be seen in the example of a wife who becomes angry at her husband. As the intensity of her anger increases, she begins to scream and throw things. In the midst of all this mayhem, the doorbell rings. She goes to the door and opens it to find their pastor. She smiles and him and cheerfully says, "Hello." It is not likely that she felt kindly disposed. (Note: Whether or not she was truly showing agape love would depend on her outward actions and her motives.) However, she (at least outwardly) chose to show her love to her Pastor since "love is kind, and love is not rude" (1 Corinthians 13:4). The point is that this wife could have chosen to show love her husband as she did her pastor whether she felt like it or not! (p. 82)

True, that may be a somewhat extreme example. Maybe you aren't screaming and throwing things at your husband. But how does your posture, tone of voice, body language, etc. change when you talk or interact with other people compared to how it is when you interact with your husband? These were things about which I had not given much thought. I had just fallen into mindless routines and habits. Thankfully, there are some small, practical ways to work on loving are husbands more like Christ loves us.

• I would first suggest memorizing 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, committing to memory what the Lord considers love to be is vital. We need to fill our heads and hearts with His definition, not the world's.
• Each week, month, or however often you prefer, pick a specific quality out of the list in 1 Cor. 13:4-7 and work on it. 
• Ask your husband for input! I did this with my spouse and the feedback I got was wonderful and very helpful. 
• Pray! Ask the Spirit to convict you of ways you are not loving your man, and to give you the discipline and strength to put those sins to death. 

I truly believe learning to love our husbands Biblically will allow us to better submit, respect, and encourage our men. This is why we were created! Is there a better way to glorify God than doing what He designed us for? 

I want to thank Hollie for taking my offer to share on my blog. We've been friends sometime now via internet and she's a blessing and sweet friend. Isn't what she said so true? I know it convicted me in areas and I am thankful for her thoughts on this topic.

Hollie is a rescued sinner and thankful servant of Christ.  She is the happy wife of her beloved husband, Josh, and the mama of three precious souls. The Lord has placed her in a small town in Virginia where her days are spent home-schooling, child training, loving, laughing, cleaning and looking for ways to continually point her children (and herself) to Christ and His Cross. You can visit her at Dermer Family blog.

Building Our Faith- One Trial At A Time

We had our Pastor and his family over this past Friday night for supper. It was a good time of fellow shipping while the kids played together. We shared a little bit of our testimony that dealt with our first pregnancy. It prompted me to see the bigger picture.

When I got pregnant with our first son, I was waiting to be added to my husband's insurance. We did not qualify for medicaid either. We only made $200 over the limit to qualify. I was so angry at God. How could He do this to us? We were barely making it as it was. Now, we have Doctor visits and bills to pay. Soon we'd have a baby to provide for. Before this, my faith hadn't been tested much at all. I was fresh out of Bible college and a newlywed of 4 months to be exact. This isn't how I exactly wanted to be "tested" or "refined". The mission field is where that kind of stuff happens and that is where I wanted to go since 2003 and it was 2007. God came in and took care of us the whole time. It was a miracle for us. Looking back at the things He done during that time always gets my mind back into perspective. We got free rent in exchange for my husband being the courtesy officer at our apartment (he's a State Trooper). That was the amount we now needed for the monthly Nurse Midwife visits. Simply amazing.

The hard things we go through can either refine us or define us. We can choose to let God take care of us in the way He wants or we can struggle on our own. God wants to take care of us. He wants us to completely trust Him with our lives,every detail and every situation. He has our best interest in mind always. He never wants to harm us even though it may feel like it at the time of the trial. We should expect trials in this life. If we never had a trial we would never know the One who can bring us through it more intimately. I remember telling God how it was unfair that we couldn't get any help (this was before our landlord came to us) and He said to me don't expect the world to reward you for living for Me. Pretty simple,but profound. God wants to reward us so many times,but we look for our reward else where.

We have went through many other trying times in our short 6 years of marriage and raising children. God has never ceased to provide for us. Each time He came through for us, He was just building our faith for the next trial or trying time. It's not easy to see that when you are going through something,but once you look back you can see what God was doing. Now that we are waiting for God to move us to a new home we need a strong faith. It is not easy waiting when you have family and friends moving into their new homes. We get discouraged and we get tired of looking. It gets frustrating trying to find something within our budget that will meet our needs and wants. When I look back and see the miraculous things God has done for us in the past,I know He will take care of this too. He will never fail us or forsake us. He already knows what house we will get next.

God wants us to share the things He does for us with others to help encourage and build their faith. So let us not keep the awesome things God does for us to ourselves,but let us share it with others in our lives. You never know how it may help them through the trial they are facing.