Building Our Faith- One Trial At A Time

We had our Pastor and his family over this past Friday night for supper. It was a good time of fellow shipping while the kids played together. We shared a little bit of our testimony that dealt with our first pregnancy. It prompted me to see the bigger picture.

When I got pregnant with our first son, I was waiting to be added to my husband's insurance. We did not qualify for medicaid either. We only made $200 over the limit to qualify. I was so angry at God. How could He do this to us? We were barely making it as it was. Now, we have Doctor visits and bills to pay. Soon we'd have a baby to provide for. Before this, my faith hadn't been tested much at all. I was fresh out of Bible college and a newlywed of 4 months to be exact. This isn't how I exactly wanted to be "tested" or "refined". The mission field is where that kind of stuff happens and that is where I wanted to go since 2003 and it was 2007. God came in and took care of us the whole time. It was a miracle for us. Looking back at the things He done during that time always gets my mind back into perspective. We got free rent in exchange for my husband being the courtesy officer at our apartment (he's a State Trooper). That was the amount we now needed for the monthly Nurse Midwife visits. Simply amazing.

The hard things we go through can either refine us or define us. We can choose to let God take care of us in the way He wants or we can struggle on our own. God wants to take care of us. He wants us to completely trust Him with our lives,every detail and every situation. He has our best interest in mind always. He never wants to harm us even though it may feel like it at the time of the trial. We should expect trials in this life. If we never had a trial we would never know the One who can bring us through it more intimately. I remember telling God how it was unfair that we couldn't get any help (this was before our landlord came to us) and He said to me don't expect the world to reward you for living for Me. Pretty simple,but profound. God wants to reward us so many times,but we look for our reward else where.

We have went through many other trying times in our short 6 years of marriage and raising children. God has never ceased to provide for us. Each time He came through for us, He was just building our faith for the next trial or trying time. It's not easy to see that when you are going through something,but once you look back you can see what God was doing. Now that we are waiting for God to move us to a new home we need a strong faith. It is not easy waiting when you have family and friends moving into their new homes. We get discouraged and we get tired of looking. It gets frustrating trying to find something within our budget that will meet our needs and wants. When I look back and see the miraculous things God has done for us in the past,I know He will take care of this too. He will never fail us or forsake us. He already knows what house we will get next.

God wants us to share the things He does for us with others to help encourage and build their faith. So let us not keep the awesome things God does for us to ourselves,but let us share it with others in our lives. You never know how it may help them through the trial they are facing.

Fighting Against the Grain

I love Sally Clarkson's writing. She has such a way with words. I am reading her second book and it's so good. Sometimes I just highlight down both sides of the page because it is all worth remembering! That's when you know a book is good!

When I was a new Mother I was oblivious to what lay ahead for me. Well, more like when I was pregnant with my first. When he arrived, I figured out that things were not as they seemed. Sleepless nights, quick or no showers, eating when you could just to survive, and fussy/clingy babies. I had never wanted children. Ever.

When I was in middle school and early high school I wanted to be a lawyer. I really didn't want to marry either. When God got a hold of me though, things changed, at least some things. I wanted to marry and be a wife and homemaker.

I dated and dreamed of finding my prince though the world said there wasn't anymore princes to be found. I knew mine was out there, I just had to find him. I turned my love story over to God and He did lead me to my prince, though not the way or not the man I thought. It was a beautiful love story God wrote for us. I love to reminisce about it or write about it. In December 2006 we were united in marriage in our apartment by a ordained minister (a dear friend of ours) and his wife was the witness. Our life together was starting. I had so many dreams and plans for our future. We both had so much we wanted to experience together.,though not elaborate, still just spending the rest of my days with him and only him.

Then it happened. In May 2007 I found out I was pregnant. Boy, did it burst my bubble. I have never been a child person. Kids weren't naturally taken by me and I did not like them. Most of the ones I was around were little brats to say the least. I thought there is no way I will have any of those. I thought how will we do all the things we want to do with a baby? I mean I knew things changed when you had a baby. My brother had 2 of them 16 months apart. I was around them a lot and they had to change their lifestyle some, it's only smart and wise. I was also terrified of having the baby. Oh my. The horror stories I heard about labor and delivery. I was sure I would just die. I thought bring on the meds baby! After being in shock and horror for a month I started easing into the idea. Still, I had no thoughts on what to do when it arrived.

After my first baby boy was born, I went through a time that I felt short changed. I never had any time to myself (really, my first born was so clingy for the first 7-8 months). I rarely got a shower when I wanted one. I scarfed down my food each time I ate so I could at least have something in my belly. We lived off of ridiculous,easy foods. I never got to have quality time with my husband anymore. We were so tired that when we had the chance we just slept! Going out to eat? Ha! That was a joke. Daniel did not like us to have any fun it seemed. I thought to myself more than once, this child has ruined my life. No romantic getaways, no long road trips, no nothing without interruptions. I was only being human. We are so selfish aren't we? I know I was and I still am, though God has worked on me a lot. Not sure when I realized it (I wrote about it on my first blog), but God opened my selfish eyes. I saw God trying to refine me and help me die to self. Once I figured that out, I surrendered and have been since then. It is not about me. I am to serve my children. Did Jesus not serve while he was on earth? My children need me to lead and guide them. There is a lot I could be doing instead of home every single day with my children, but I chose this path. It is surely not an easy one either. It's demanding, stressful, tiring, irritating, and you name it. It is also rewarding,joyful, sweet,worthwhile, and so much more.

I still struggle at times with the me syndrome. I deserve to have some time to make jewelry or I deserve a new blouse. Our world is expensive anyways, but you throw children in the mix and it's even more. We are a one income family, but God provides over what we need. Do we have everything we want? Why no. No one really does. We do have stability, love, and favor with God. I'm not saying I have to be at my children's beckon call, but they do come above me (not saying to not take care of yourself either). My husband is under God and my children are under my husband. They are my ministry, but not the only people I can minister too. We are definitely on a lone path. Thankfully, it's a beaten path where others have gone before us doing what we are doing now. It's not the normal in this day and time,but it is traditional. We have strong convictions about home,children, and marriage. That is what I want to pass on to my children. I don't think they will remember how well I made jewelry,but how well I loved and served God and them.

Just sharing some of my heart with ya. :)

Am I On His Agenda?

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,

 To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.  

                                                                            Luke 4:18-19

This was in our passage yesterday for our Good Morning Girls Bible study. I just read the post that Whitney wrote and wow. It really convicted me, the Spirit of God convicted me. While I was in college I was so in tune with others and their hurts. I have the gift of encouragement and used it wisely. I have always been an organizer and type A personality, but before kids I did not have to exhibit it as much. I was more flexible and obviously had more time on my hands. I sent out cards to the girls in our dorm randomly. We were all so close, they were like more sisters to me.

Now, that I have kids lists,organization,and scheduling is a must. BUT sometimes I let it get in the way of the work He wants to do. Training little ones can be stressful and tedious and time consuming and joyous all at the same time. It's so easy to just stay in your bubble. I have been guilty of this in the past several years. We were out of church for almost 2 years due to several different issues and I really forgot that I am called to help others, not just my family. My husband and children are my first ministry (hate to use the word obligation), but that doesn't mean I minister only to them. I had begun to believe that. Though I don't think I should put them out for someone else. They come first, of course after my Savior, but that doesn't mean I never minister to others when an opportunity arises. 

I have also forgotten that the work of the Lord isn't always clean, it gets messy. Those who need Jesus are not always clean cut and look just like me. The ones who are in need of a Savior are messy, just like I am at times. We too often go on appearances and I do too. I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit convicting me and showing me it is about His agenda, not mine. I have to keep my spiritual eyes and ears open to hear what God wants to do in the lives of others,not just mine. 

Join us on our study of the first 8 chapters of Luke. God is opening my eyes to things and I'm so thankful!

A few thoughts on Motherhood

So today, I started a quiet time for my 3 boys and I. Insert smile here. During that time I started a new book by Sally Clarkson, The Mission of Motherhood. I finished the one by her called The Ministry of Motherhood sometime last summer. It was so good and full of wisdom. I started reading some others on my Kindle and then decided to start this one. I finished the first chapter today and it was so refreshing. I love Sally's heart and that she shares it with us through her books, videos, and conferences. It spurred some thoughts of my own that I wanted to jot down.



Sally talks about the God given mission of Motherhood and her first experience with being a Mother in the first chapter. She mentioned once that our children shouldn't be the center of our lives. I learned this after my first and second son. I was thrown into Motherhood just a year after marriage. We were married only 4 months before I got pregnant with our first son. I was like every Mother, once Daniel got here, in awe of this little being and in such fright. I had no clue how to be a Mother, really. I had a wonderful Mother,but I had no desire for children before getting pregnant. I really never thought we would have kids. So I was thrown into a world I hadn't desired, yet the desire grew. Once Daniel turned one, I was pregnant again with our second son. I was a stay at home Mom so all my time was spent with my babies unless my husband was home. I rarely left home and family didn't visit that much. We were attending church at the time, though we were believers. So all my time was devoted to them. Aaron was an easy baby and I had chances to go out alone or on a date with my husband. I felt so bad. I felt as if I was missing parts of what my boys were doing. I couldn't help but think of them and talk about them constantly when away (which was not often). By the time Aaron turned 1, we were pregnant with our third son. I was one overwhelmed Mama some days. I had been pondering the thought that it wasn't bad for my children not to be the center of my life. God was to be and I knew that. I was making them subconsciously though. Once Johnathan made his arrival 18 months ago, I finally did not feel bad when I left by myself. I realized it was/is okay to put them in their room to play if I need a few minutes to gather myself. I realized it was/is okay if I tell my husband I just need to go grab a frappe and sit for a little bit. It didn't make me a bad Mother, just a normal one. If I don't refresh myself with time alone, my children will have a tired, miserable, weary, and grumpy Mama. That isn't what they need at all. After Daniel was born, I realized my children and husband were my ministry. So I don't do women conferences or that sort of thing and I don't teach or lead anything at church. My extent of ministering for now, is blogging and Facebook. I'm fine with that and feel at peace with it. We may look like the average Christian family, but our close friends and family know we are nothing other than the opposite. We are very strict and protective of these precious souls God has given us.

Not only will I be grumpy, miserable, and exhausted if I put the children at the center of my life, but my love life would die. That is something I see too much in society today. Husbands and wives divorce a lot of times after all the kids have moved out. The Mother puts all of her energy into the children and lets the relationship with her husband dwindle. It's sad and it's not what I want. I loved my husband first and once my children grow up and go their own ways, my husband will still be there with me. We try to do dates at least once a month. With us living away from family and friends it makes it hard. We don't hire a babysitter  If you aren't a designated family member you do not stay with our kids. We try to watch movies at home, talk when the kids are in bed, and pray/read together. Our schedules conflict a lot, but I feel we are doing good at it. We both realize that we have to work at it and keep the love alive. He still makes me weak in the knees. I love that man so much and I know he loves me. He adores me and isn't afraid to show it. We aren't perfect and there are times I could knock him out with a frying pan! BUT if I didn't have him, I couldn't be who I am today. He completes me in the earthly sense. I want to keep it that way, so our boys have a relationship to look at and know what a marriage should look like.

I hope to be able to read at least a chapter a week and reflect on it and write some of my thoughts. I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Here is my photo blog I started. Check it out!

Also, Sally and her dear friend, Sarah Mae, have written a new book. Desperate: Hope for the Mom who needs to breathe is the name and it's launching this week. They are having lots of great giveaways!!! I will be buying the book soon and cannot wait to read it. Sarah Mae is a precious woman also and so witty. Go to Sally's blog or Sarah Mae's blog to see more info.

Happy New Year!!

It's the last day of 2012 and that is unbelievable! I love a new start to a new year. I also love Monday's! Monday is a fresh, new start to a new week. Most people hate Monday's, but I see it as another week to strive toward the mark.

I am looking forward to what God has in store for my family and I this year. He has always been so faithful and good to us. I mean really, some of the things that God has done for us, is unbelievable. He does things for us, so we may testify of His works, and then others will praise Him. We have dreams and goals, but ultimately God has the final call on it all. What are some of your dreams? Sometimes I am afraid to dream, are you? I am afraid those dreams may not come true or that they are not the ones God wants for me. My husband is a big dreamer and I'm more of the realistic type. Funny how God puts two people together and they compliment one another. We have dreams of buying a home, paying off our used SUV, and making many memories with our children. The end of the year really snuck up on me this time. I usually already have some goals written on paper and have been processing that a new year is upon me. Well, not so this year.

I pray you all have a blessed new year! Make it count. Love your husband deeply. Love your children unconditionally. Humble yourself before God and watch Him exalt you. Be a servant to your family and those around you. Having a servant's heart is important to God. I know I get caught up in selfishness all too often. Having children has really been purging some things in me and it's mainly selfishness. So may He continue to purge me, though it hurts badly.